


It Wasn't Supposed To Be Them

by katherinepulitzumber



Series: Look After You: Mileven Drabbles [10]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I need their friendship, Light Angst, Mileven, She thinks everything is her fault, and this is breaking mike's heart, but it isnt, it may break yours too, max yelling at mike over the super-com is my new aesthetic, mike is a good bf, post-gate, post-s2, sad el, she deserves the world, she really does care about el, this is both angst and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 13:18:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18605317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherinepulitzumber/pseuds/katherinepulitzumber
Summary: After closing the gate El thinks about all that has happened and wonders if it was all her fault.





	It Wasn't Supposed To Be Them

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Tumblr dialogue prompt, "they weren't supposed to die, I was."

It had been a few months after the gate was closed. Everyone was recovered- physically that is. Both Will and Joyce would wake up screaming from nightmares at least once a week and it was a daily thing for El.

El knew what it looked like when someone died. She knew what it looked like- what it _felt_ like -to nearly die. She had seen people die right before her eyes. And she had heard of friends of her friends dying. Barb. Bob. She had heard Nancy crying in her room once at the Wheeler's; looking through photos of her and Barb.

Well, crying was exactly what El Hopper was doing now. Something that would look heartbreaking to anyone; especially a boy in particular that Max was currently speaking to over El's super-com.

Hopper had asked Max over to stay with El while he had a long case at the station. The two girls had become close friends now after long talks together over everything. And she was the only other girl in the party so Hopper chose her over the boys; not that he didn't trust the four of them. He figured she could also help El with the kind of bad day her mind had plagued on her.

"Listen Wheeler," Max said, hand jammed against the super-com button, "I don't give a shit what you're doing at the moment okay? She's been in her room all day since before Hopper even left. She won't let me in let alone talk to me. Every person in this town knows that if there's one person she'll talk to no matter what it's you. So haul your ass over here asap."

Mike didn't have time to answer before the sharp sound of static hit his end of the line. He quickly ran to the garage- yelling to his mom that he was going out -and jumped on his bike, halfway down the driveway in a matter of seconds. Mike Wheeler was one of the kids who dreaded P.E. class. But when it came to El, he could have been the next Olympian.

He turned into the woods, the leaves crunching underneath the wheels of his bike, and went up and down hills until he reached the cabin; leaping off his bike before he'd even stopped. He ran up the steps and did the secret knock faster than he could when the door flung open; almost causing him to hit the redhead currently staring at her watch in amazement.

"New record." Max said, pointing to the place she had stopped her watch, "Maybe I won't be kicking your ass in P.E. all the time after all."

Mike rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure. Can I come in?"

Max let him in before turning to leave, "I'm going to Lucas's house. Beware of Hop's shotgun.  Oh and for both you and your girlfriend, _no funny business_." She imitated the cop's voice as best as she could before slamming the door behind her.

 _girlfriend_ His heart still did flip flops at that word.

Mike waited until the door was fully closed before flipping her off and putting the locks back in place.

He went over to El's door and knocked on it softly.

"G-Go away M-Max." He heard a trembling voice say.

"It's Mike." The boy said, feeling his heart drop at how her voice had sounded, "El, can I come in?"

A few seconds that felt like forever to Mike passed before he heard the lock on her door click to unlock. He slowly opened the door and walked in, seeing just a small human shape under the bed covers. He closed the door behind him (praying Hopper maybe still didn't own said shot gun) and walked over to her bed.

El felt the covers dip slightly next to her and clutched the blankets harder to hide herself from having to look Mike in the eyes.

"El?"

At this point her shaking hands were too weak to hold the blanket any harder and she'd exhausted herself far too much to even think of using her powers to keep the blanket down.

She felt the air of the cabin brush against her softly with Mike's hand as he gently tugged the blanket off of her.  He looked down at her with a heartbroken expression as she sniffed slightly, nose redder than a cherry.

"Hi." She croaked out.

"What happened El?" Mike asked gently, resting his hand on her shoulder.

El still had days where her mind would repeatedly tell her that everything was her fault.  The Upside Down.  Friends dying.  Will nearly dying.  People crying.  Her friends crying.  Because of what had happened.  Because of _her_.

"It's my fault." She whispered in a barely audible voice, "Everything."

She squeezed her eyes shut as more tears fell.  She rolled over and stood up from the bed on shaking legs before pacing back and forth as she began talking, barely pausing to breathe in between sentences.

"I-If I had never existed maybe the Upside Down wouldn't have existed.  If the Upside Down hadn't existed then Barb wouldn't have died and- and Will wouldn't have nearly died.  If I hadn't made it out alive the Mind Flayer wouldn't have come.  If the Mind Flayer hadn't come W-Will wouldn't be h-hurt again. Bob wouldn't be dead.  J-Joyce wouldn't be sad.  And we wouldn't worry about loosing each other all the time- _all_ of us!" She gestured around the room and Mike knew she meant everyone they knew and their families, "We wouldn't be in the worried state we- are today and p-people wouldn't die because t-things like this would-wouldn't come back!" El felt tears falling quickly down her cheeks as she rambled on, "It would all be easier! It'd be easier on you and Will, Lucas, Dustin, Nancy, Hopper, Joyce and everyone! Barb wouldn't be dead and Nancy wouldn't cry because she'd still have her best friend! Bob wouldn't be dead and Joyce wouldn't be sad like she is still! N-Nobody was supposed to die! They weren't supposed to die, _I_ was!"

She finally let every tear fall, sobbing so hard she was hyperventilating. It was probably the longest stream of words she'd said in a long time (if ever) and it was everything on her mind finally breaking down. Mike was already hugging her before she could almost fall from crying. Her forehead pressed against his chest and his sweater collecting the tears in small stained patches. He pressed his lips to her head and rubbed patterns along her back in an effort to calm her. It seemed to be something of Mike's instinct- he always knew how to calm her.

"Shh, it's alright okay? You're okay El. You're okay." He repeated softly.

After a few minutes of standing there, holding her tight and stroking her hair, he took her hand and they both sat on her bed; facing each other as Mike's hand now gently played with her's in an effort to distract her from her thoughts.

"Breathe in. Breathe out." He whispered to her gently, "Just breathe El."

He looked her in the eyes, "None of those things were your fault. Nobody does and won't ever blame you. You know that? Joyce doesn't. Will doesn't. Hopper doesn't. And I sure as hell don't and wouldn't ever even think of it. The Upside Down was not caused by you and neither was the Mind Flayer. You saved Will. You saved our families El. You saved me." His lip quirked up, remembering hugging her tightly after she saved him from the cliff before he grew serious once more, "You weren't there when anyone died El.  You weren't able to do anything."

"B-But if I wa-"

"You weren't. And even if you were- it still wouldn't be your fault. Ever. I _promise_."

A tear fell from her eyes as he said this and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.

"If you weren't here," he swallowed hard, "I don't know what I'd do El. . ." He looked down at their hands, squeezing them tightly and looking back into her eyes, "You're my _best_ _friend_. . . And my favorite person. And- And one of the _best_ people I've ever met. And you always will be. In my eyes you will always be pretty- wait scratch that, _beautiful_. Always kind and caring. Always-" He took a breath and swallowed hard, "Always someone I love."

El felt tears in her eyes for a different reason; a good reason. Here was a boy that loved her in return of her love for him. A boy who let her know she wasn't and never would be a bad person. Who protected her with everything he had and promised to never leave her side.

She leapt forward unexpectedly, wrapping both arms and legs around him and clutching onto the back of his shirt as if he were her lifeline.  They were each other's lifelines and everyone could see that.  Mike quickly caught her and held onto her, making sure neither of them hit their head against the wall in her quick action.  She just pressed her head against the crook of his neck and they held each other tightly in silence for a while. He ran his hand through her hair and kissed her head.

"Thank you. . . I love you." She whispered, soft breath tickling his neck.

"I love you so much El." Mike whispered back, "You have no idea."


End file.
